omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
