I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
