Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
