dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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