I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
and you fell through a lawn chair
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
