We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
