I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
