sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
