And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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