So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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