and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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