Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
