I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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