Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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