PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
