Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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