I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
