I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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