so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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