I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize