someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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