I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
