fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
