the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
God, I missed his penis.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
