I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
