i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
