I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He passed out mid-signature
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
