Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
