[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
