remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
