and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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