Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
