Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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