Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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