Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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