I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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