My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
