I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
