It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
