It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Most Annoying Things Drivers Do on the Road
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
People Share What It’s Really Like to Date Long Distance
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection