I like my sex mixed with concussions.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
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And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.