Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina