I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
