Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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