I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
