I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
