speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
