do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
