i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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