i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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