if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
