Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize