So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
