I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
