What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
