worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
