Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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