i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
