wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
