I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
