Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
