Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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